Wednesday, July 14, 2004

40 Annoyances

Well, I'm leaving on a vacation for ten days, so I probably won't be posting for a while. Now you may be wondering, how does an unemployed man take a vacation? It's not easy. It's a delicate art. Before I leave, here are 20 more annoyances from my big list.

21. Woody Allen casting himself in the romantic lead

22. Sitting backwards on a train

23. People who correct your grammar

24. Aggressive pan-handling in the New York City subway

25. Guys who hock loogies in urinals

26. When TV networks use that new software that can edit every 24th frame out of a show, eventually storing up enough seconds to add one extra commercial.

27. Guys at the gym who hit on women riding stationary bikes

28. People who lick their fingers when they hand out paper

29. The neverending parade of inferior Ender's Game sequels

30. The Nikkei and the Dax

31. The intense desire to own a boat

32. People who just run out and get a dog without thinking it through

33. The final Prisoner episodes

34. People who just assume you'll want whatever wacky-ass pizza topping they're planning to order

35. When mattresses get called "Sleep Systems"

36. People who passionately advocate the merits of driving stick, even just for normal suburban driving

37. The fact that every Sea World whale gets named Shamu

38. Any Time Magazine cover story on hospitals

39. Discolored froth that does lazy circles around the jacuzzi

40. The viciousness with which the "Happy Birthday Song" copyright holders go after any unauthorized uses

Those people are some greedy sons of bitches. Every 25 years a whole catalogue of copyrighted stuff would fall into public domain, but every 25 years new laws get passed that extend copyrights. Happy Birthday was written by a schoolteacher in, like, the 1870s. But it's still copy protected until something like 2050, at which point undoubtedly new laws will get passed extending it even further. The bastards.

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