Friday, January 14, 2005


This post has nothing to do with potpourri. I love potpourri. Put out a bowl of it next to a bowl of Terra brand chips to delight and confuse your friends. No, these are just a few medium sized annoyances that are too big for the little lists and too small for their own post. Enjoy.

Abu Mazen
I am tired of reading the phrase "Mahmoud Abbas, better known as Abu Mazen". Really, for over a year now, reporters still solemnly repeat this phrase like it's pulitzer journalism. Like it's some kind of boast about how well you've cultivated your Palestinian street sources that you can dig up this kind of info. I think it is fair, really, to say that we are now all extremely aware that Mahmoud Abbas is commonly known as Abu Mazen. Please, media, PICK ONE OF THESE NAMES.

The Male Club Outfit
I despise this look. The shiny, tuxedo style shirt, untucked, top two buttons opened (to tantalize?) and the cuffs unbuttoned and flared out. I really, really hope this goes out of style soon. You know how people look back at their 60's or 70's hairdo or outfits with embarassment? Have you ever thought that you were witnessing future-decade fashion embarassment as it was happening? This is one of those times. I also had this hunch with heroin chic and the carefully-cultivated-bedhead look.

The Pathetic Ruse used in Diet Pill Commercials
Have you seen these diet-pill commercials that stress, several times, that this pill is only for the seriously overweight and NOT for the casual dieter. Once again, if you're looking to lose only 5 or 10 pounds, then this pill is simply too potent for your silly little diet. You are NOT the intended user of this pill. This pill is ONLY to be used by dieters who need to lose substantial weight. Casual dieters: go read a magazine or something - we don't specialize in your paltry, 5 or 10 pound needs. No no, this is a private conversation between us, the pill people, and those who are truly, massively fat.

It's official. This commercial holds my intelligence in lower regard than any person, organization, belief system, or entity of any kind, ever, in history. Just the thought that they seriously believed I would be bamboozled at their brick-in-the-face unsubtle reverse psychology routine makes me want to kill them. Kill them dead. They're selling on TV for God's sakes. They accept VISA and Mastercard. Their only goal is to sell as many pills as possible. They would willingly sell their entire stock to anorexics if they could make a buck. That they thought I would be fooled by this, the worst and most clumsy fake-out I have ever seen, is simply the worst insult I have ever endured. Compared to the diet pill sales strategy, the old trick where you act all excited around a 5 year old and tell him we're going to play the exciting "clean the room game" is a nuanced bluff of the highest strategy. The 5 year old's intelligence is being treated with enormous respect compared to my intelligence in this commercial.

Mission Impossible Films
The entire conceit of Mission Impossible, the whole concept - is a team of high tech crimefighters working together to catch crooks. That's the concept. It really can't be whittled down any further. So why are the movies basically James Bond clones? Why are they Tom Cruise flying solo? Other than sharing the music, the title and a few names, there are no similarities whatsoever between the movies and the show. Now I don't mind a Tom Cruise action movie (if it's good), but if you're going to use the name Mission Impossible, the only meaningful information that imparts is that it's going to be about a team of tech-savvy crimefighters. And the movies do not deliver on that. They reject it. Really, this bugs me. And you're telling me they couldn't find any way to use Peter Graves? He's nature's greatest untapped resource. Bring him back!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Isn't Peter Graves dead? Huh. Apparently not, sez IMDB. Wonder if he's a zombie.